


How does one (im)politely decline a tiger? One doesn't if Alphonse Elric is their brother.

by youngjusticewriter



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Crack, Edward Elric Swears, Gen, Post-Canon, stupid crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 17:18:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15733935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngjusticewriter/pseuds/youngjusticewriter
Summary: Edward's ex sends him a tiger as thank you for the boot they shared together in Gluttony's stomach. It goes as well as you'd expect.Or a drabble where Ling was an idiot, Roy was a bastard, and Edward's mood was fml.





	How does one (im)politely decline a tiger? One doesn't if Alphonse Elric is their brother.

Edward stared and stared before opening his mouth. "I'm going to kill Ling," he vowed as he kept looking at the giant ass cat in front of him. Tiger, Edward recalled a few moments before realizing vowing to kill the Emperor of the country your government was having a treaty with probably wasn't smart. 

It took longer for Mustang to shake off his surprise than Edward had. If there wasn't a giant ass cat that could easily eat a man infront him Edward would have snickered at the sight; the bastard genuinely surprised and showing it was a rare and enjoyable feat. 

Eventually Mustang's face morphed into that annoying cool facade of his that usually the older man wore when dealing with one of Ed's more adventurous missions. Mustang tilted his head, lips curving into a smug grin as he thought of whatever smart ass thing he was about to say. 

"You know you can't send it back," Mustang told him. There was laughter at Edward's unfortunate circumstances in the man's voice. 

Edward turned his face so he look at the other alchemist. 

"Why not?" The words were growled out and Edward had this knot in his stomach in fear (not that he'd admit it) of a reason besides politics that he had to keep that thing as pet. 

How did one even keep a tiger as a pet? Honestly instead of sending him a note that said "for the boot" Ling should have sent a zoology book for tigers. Edward stared at the sky above and released out a huff of frustration. This was the same person Edward had been attracted to. What had he seen in Ling again when they had dated?

The only thing Edward could recall seeing was the bills for the food Ling devoured like a starved dog. 

"Because Fullmetal," Mustang told him with a cruel, humored smile on his lips, "your brother has already seen the tiger. Alphonse's rushed call makes sense now." 

The fucker then laughed at Edward's doomed misery. He should have stayed in his bed this morning instead of being a good dog and showing up at the embassy, Edward realized far too late.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay a few weeks back I cleaned my writing app out (and I need to do it again to be honest) and I had this crack fic idea written out on one of the pages: King (I spelled Ling's name with a k on accident) gifts Edward a tiger and Alphonse is the only reason Ed keeps it despite Ed and Ling have dated during the events of Brotherhood. They parted on good terms though.


End file.
